David Fawcett

The Endangered Wonder of the Positive Living Conference, and Why It Matters for Our Patients

Every spring, on the white, sandy beaches of the Florida Panhandle, an unlikely gathering takes place. On that narrow strip of land, between the Gulf of Mexico and Choctawhatchee Bay, 450 HIV-positive men and women from around the country, but mostly from the Southeast, come together amidst occasional spring breakers for a weekend of socializing, education, some silliness, a few tears, and just plain fun.

This year, the Positive Living conference turned 14, an extraordinary success by any measure, but even more poignant because it is the only remaining large-scale conference for persons living with HIV. It is a remarkable blend of individuals: Those who are well-known for their work in the field mix easily with positive men and women who may never have seen the ocean, or been able to spend a weekend by themselves at a hotel, or (most certainly) been around so many other positive individuals in one place.

I am always struck by the rich amount of valuable information available for both attendees and presenters. Tom Liberti, Florida's HIV/AIDS Bureau Chief, gives an annual review on the state of affairs, especially poignant this year because of the AIDS Drug Assistance Program crisis. There are medication updates and workshops on mental, physical and spiritual health. There is a daylong AdvocacyU workshop, where attendees learn how to use their voices to advocate on their own behalf.

And there is history. Until his death, Martin Delaney never missed Positive Living. And this year, as Martin Delaney did in years past, Paul Kawata, the executive director of National Minority AIDS Council, gave a keynote that captured a long-term view of HIV -- where we have been, our successes, our setbacks, our power, and the many struggles to come.

 

The heart of the conference lies with the participants, and it is here that the immense benefit for one's clients living with HIV can be clearly seen. Most receive scholarships, which pay for the beachfront hotel rooms and meals. Many are from the rural South and simply don't have adequate access to medical resources -- or, for that matter, each other. Positive Living fosters the formation of networks for both medical and social support; but mostly, at least for a few days, it normalizes the stigma of living with HIV. For one brief weekend, everyone is HIV positive (or a very close ally). One can feel a sense of joy and freedom in sharing this physical and emotional space.

The very existence of this conference is a tribute to the vision and hard work of Butch McKay, the executive director of a relatively tiny agency, Okaloosa AIDS Support and Informational Services, Inc. McKay and a handful of staff raise the necessary funds and organize this event with a mastery and focus that have a sense of life or death. And there is no doubt that Positive Living enhances, and even saves, the lives of persons living with HIV.

But the conference itself, like others before it, is at risk. Every year, fundraising is more difficult even as the need grows. Across many states vital programs are being cut, individuals are struggling with fewer resources, and bureaucratic shifts resulting from budget cuts make maneuvering the system, and surviving, that much harder. We witness our clients struggling with these issues every day.

It's easy to see why such events have disappeared. They require extraordinary determination to bring them to life, and the costs are daunting. But their demise represents one more great loss attributable to this virus. Without such gatherings, persons living with HIV have one less resource by which they can remain educated, connected, empowered and even sustained.

Too often we allow ourselves to focus on the objective data of HIV: CD4 counts, viral loads and years since diagnosis. Events such as Positive Living heal at a deeper, more subjective level: the spirit. They renew our determination as providers and they reenergize our clients' ability to integrate healing at multiple levels. For all this and more, they are well worth fighting for.

Finding Your [Spandex-Free] Inner Hero

Several times a year at New York’s Stonewall Inn (yes, that Stonewall) a number of gay superheroes (well, gay men wearing spandex and fabric superhero costumes) gather together to discover their extraordinary powers.   There are plenty of X-Men and Transformers and even a hunky Superboy or two.   This is “Skin Tight USA,” a gay costume-fetish party that can attract several hundred masked, caped, and otherwise heroically-adorned men (photo by Casey Kelbaugh of The New York Times).

    It’s great fun, but gay men don’t need to invest in spandex to be heroes – that potential is in every one of us.  Most people think that heroism is a characteristic that one either has or does not (and most of us think we don’t).  Others suspect that heroic behavior is related to some genetic trait, probably inherited by someone else.  Each of us, however, easily has the potential to be a hero because, simply put, heroism is a decision that we make within ourselves to figure out who we really are, how we fit into the world, and then act accordingly.

There are three qualities necessary for heroism, and all involve “other oriented behavior:”

o    Empathy:  relating to someone in such a way that you see similarities between their feelings and needs and your own;                                       

o    Compassion: adding understanding to empathy, and wishing to alleviate another’s discomfort or pain; and

o    Kindness:  being considerate and helpful

 

    We don’t have to lift an automobile off a struck pedestrian or discover a cure for AIDS to be a hero.   Patricia Omoqui, a trainer and coach, wrote that the potential to be heroes lies within all of us if we act from our hearts, see the need of the moment, and step forward.    There are heroes all around us.  Are you one of them? 

David Fawcett, PhD, LCSW

Volunteering Can Make You Healthy and Happy

    

Did you know that giving your time and effort on behalf of someone else can actually improve your mood and overall health?  Although it sounds too good to be true, that is the conclusion of a number of studies on a variety of populations from around the world.  Scientists are still unraveling the specifics, but there are some intriguing clues documenting the health benefits of volunteering.

    First, there are positive physical health effects.  Volunteering was associated with reduced mortality risk in a number of studies, especially in persons aged 60 and over, although the benefits appear to hold true for all ages.    Simply put, persons who consistently give their time on behalf of others lived longer than those who did not.  More surprisingly, the health status of the volunteer didn’t matter.  Even if they had a serious medical condition themselves, volunteering provided a protective factor for their own physical wellbeing.

     Volunteering was also associated with increased positive emotions and a significantly-improved  sense of purpose.   It increased access to social and psychological resources which countered negative moods such as depression and anxiety.  People who volunteered reported a greater degree of overall happiness, with improved social support and cohesion that benefits both the individual and the community.  Finally, volunteering has been shown to improve self-satisfaction and mastery of new skills, both of which reinforce a positive self-image.

    These studies also reveal interesting ways to maximize the positive effects of service work.  The total number of volunteer hours per week was not as important as consistency and length of service.  That is, just one hour a week was more effective at promoting the health and wellness of the volunteer than lots of hours, as long as it was consistent over a period of months or even years.    Studies also revealed that there are health benefits even if the service work is informal and privately arranged, such as spending time with a homebound neighbor each week.  Volunteer work doesn’t have to be “official” to benefit, just consistent.

    In the end, these studies showed that “mattering” was the crucial link between volunteering and wellbeing.  By moving beyond our own needs and helping others, we begin to make a difference and “matter” to both our community and ourselves, and we get the bonus of being healthier and happier.

David Fawcett, PhD, LCSW   

This article first appeared in Out in the News, Volume 3, Issue 1 (February-March 2010), a publication of the Broward County Health Department, S-Men Campaign for a Safer, Healthier Community.

The Power of Gratitude

The holidays, and especially Thanksgiving, are supposed to reflect the principle of gratitude, being thankful for the people, places, and things that have blessed our lives. But, ironically, in these uncertain times blessings may appear to be in short supply. Most of us are bearing extra tension that can be amplified by the approach of the holidays themselves. Many LGBT persons experience significant emotional stress during this time, and for good reason. Money problems may seem overwhelming and emotional stress may result when our friends, and sometimes even our partners, aren’t welcomed by our families of origin.

So how can we achieve an attitude of gratitude? Or should we, as one client of mine pointed out, "save it for the greeting card companies?" No, I don’t think so. Gratitude, the practice of being grateful, is increasingly being recognized not as a cliché or as something to be cynically ridiculed, but as a powerful tool that can actually change our outlook and our moods.

I know from personal experience that there is nothing harder than being grateful when things are difficult. Whether due to personal illness, a major loss, or even worry generated by watching too much cable news, the idea of having gratitude when you are experiencing pain or fear seems ludicrous, if not offensive. I have had many clients stare at me in disbelief when, during a painful period, I suggest they try and find even a few things for which they might be grateful.

Most simply ask, "why?" The reason is because it not only makes you feel better, it may even change the world (more on that in a minute). The shift in personal consciousness created by the act of identifying gratitude can move us from a state of need and resistance to one of acceptance and healing. I recognize this is sometimes easier said than done. In the past year I have experienced sadness and pain around the declining health of a parent. I certainly haven’t yet found a way to be grateful for that situation, but even on the worst days I can be grateful for a ground orchid in my yard, or my dog’s relentless playfulness, or the steady support of my partner. Taking a few minutes to consciously acknowledge those things somehow breaks a spell and brings me back into balance.

While many spiritual traditions have long recognized the wisdom of gratitude, its power is now being increasingly documented in scientific literature. For example, one study by Emmons and McCullough in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology used a double blind study to demonstrate that a conscious focus on blessings has empirical emotional and interpersonal benefits. Many other studies link gratitude with numerous positive effects ranging from well-being to goal attainment.

Even if being grateful can help us feel better, can our personal expression of gratitude have an impact on the world? Increasingly, many people think so. A number of metaphysical traditions (as well as quantum physics) acknowledge the power of our thoughts to change our very cells and even our reality. Today there is a heightened awareness about the potential of shifting human consciousness based on what we as individuals think about and what we do.

The internet is increasingly being used to facilitate such shifts. I recently learned of one free site (www.gogratitude.com) which is attempting to create a wave of gratitude that will sweep the globe. One can sign up to receive 42 brief, daily messages that help develop such awareness. To date, over one million people have signed up.

Thanksgiving and the other holidays can be inherently stressful, but we do have the power to choose where we lavish our attention. Personally, I feel a lot better if I can find at least something to be grateful for. And when I can’t, there is help – here comes my dog with a toy in his mouth.

Does Getting Older Mean Becoming Invisible?

“At 50, I don’t exist socially in the gay community anymore. Having a drug connection has made me “cool’ although it’s temporary. But it’s better than being invisible when I want to get laid.”

Steve was more surprised than anyone that he had ended up in my office for therapy. He was a handsome, fit, financially secure man who had a good job, a nice home, and a supportive circle of friends. Despite these, Steve had increasingly turned to drugs, and especially meth, to “connect” with other men, and this had quickly spiraled out of control. Drugs helped Steve numb the troubling emotions that arose as he grew older and with each passing month felt a little less attractive, less energetic, and less like he fit into a gay community that emphasizes youth and looks.

While Steve’s comments are based on a narrow view of sex appeal and contain more than a little self-pity and rationalization, the notion of invisibility and aging is shared by many gay men. It is true that both straight and gay culture value physical beauty and youth. Observing change in our bodies as we grow older can be difficult if we rigidly define ourselves by our looks alone. Steve spent a lifetime classifying himself based entirely on externals such as physical appearance and his career. Throughout his adult life they buffered him from shame and other uncomfortable feelings and when those became less effective he used drugs and alcohol to push discomfort aside. With time, however, nothing really numbed his fear that he was no longer valued and he found himself in a growing crisis of identity and self worth.

In therapy, Steve was able to intellectually understand that getting older didn’t necessarily mean becoming less attractive. Sexual templates (who you are attracted to) vary greatly among individuals and, for many, include older men as well as diverse body shapes and sizes. The real problem was how Steve viewed himself.

It is critical at any age to define yourself more broadly than by outward appearance alone. Otherwise, you miss the inner spirit that truly defines who you are. Self image can be enhanced in many ways. Practice developing an awareness of your unique skills, personal gifts and talents. Get in the habit of identifying positive personality traits as well as positive physical characteristics (not just what you dislike about your body --for some that is a real challenge). Develop gratitude on a daily basis and remember to nurture all of you: body, mind, and spirit.

Connecting to the community in a variety of ways is vital to this process. You are not alone. SAGE (Senior Action in a Gay Environment – www.sagewebsite.org) has many activities and supports. The GLCC (www.glccsf.org) hosts a variety of groups that provide social interaction outside of bars and clubs, as do many organizations in the faith community.  It may take a little research, but many alternatives exist.

Once free of drugs, Steve took a hard look at his core beliefs and sense of self. To his surprise, he found that the wisdom he had gained through a successful career and a variety of friendships and relationships was eagerly sought by a community hungry for role models and elders. Once he began to value himself more, Steve felt more confident both socially and sexually.  By valuing more than just his physical appearance, Steve not only became visible but liked what he saw.